i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
