Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
