Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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