I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
