I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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