i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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