i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
