I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
