i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
