When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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