Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize