Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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