and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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