And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
