Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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