you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
