Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
