her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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