My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
