While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
