Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
