My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
