How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
