Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
