i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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