Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
