i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
