I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
