Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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