Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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