everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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