I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
