In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
