That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
