Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
