is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
