who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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