Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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