Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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