I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
