Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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