i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
