I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
