i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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