it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
