no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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