we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize