I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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