I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
