you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
