either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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