Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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