Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
