We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Couch. On fire.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
