Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
