when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize