Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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