dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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