I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I cockslap morals
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
