So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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