dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
