Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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