that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
