I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
