I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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