i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
