i permit you to call me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think i have herpe
just one?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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