Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
