I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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