My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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