just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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