I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
