He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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