I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
