Yo dont text me then not text me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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